Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
