you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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