I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
