Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
