never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
