I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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