At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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