i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
