i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
