Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
