he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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