I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
