We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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