a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
