I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
