I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
