Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
