I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Enjoy the penises
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
