Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
