I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
