Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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