There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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