Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
