His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
