i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
