This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
