Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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