i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
