You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
