from now on my penis is your penis
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
