im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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