I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
