My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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