Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize