Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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