Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
