I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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