apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
