just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
