its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
