Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
