Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
