I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
