so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
