At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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