Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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