im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
