I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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