just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
