I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
