i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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