i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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