don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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