I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
