It was confusing and full of hummus
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
tell me about the fingering
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